Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
