she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I just want to make out with him forever
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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