am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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