I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
