So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
