Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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