Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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