I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
