I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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