Someone shit on the floor
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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