no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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