i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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