Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
