I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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