We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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