This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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