Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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