no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
