im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
