My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
