I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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