I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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