the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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