and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
