if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
