I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
