so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
