Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
