you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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