Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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