I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
