Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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