everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
