she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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