i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
