All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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