Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
