Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
