i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
