I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
