Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
