were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
