if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
