I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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