Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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