i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
