Your dad touched me again.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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