She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
