ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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