I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she peed on how many people?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Randomize
