I got chris browned last night
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
