12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
