i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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