I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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