Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
