And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
