I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
