I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
