I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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