Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
